This was disaster of appalling magnitude that must be averted at once. Newton, like all cats, enjoyed a kind of intuitive omniscience that allows him to penetrate to the core of an issue regardless of boundaries of space, time, and physics. He rarely made use of this endowment as it required a certain amount of effort, but at this moment he was galvanized to action. Dropping his eyelids and settling into the deceptively serene pose of a doorstop, Newton threw his consciousness down into the soil that was being so rudely scrutinized and found himself whizzing back millions of years. (Another of the drawbacks of this omniscience business is that as an intuitive process, the mechanics of it were somewhat beyond of Newton’s control and therefore challenging to his dignity.)
Abruptly, Newton landed in a snowdrift. All around him was vast white stillness and he knew, somehow, that he had encountered the glacier that had slumbered on the site of Elmer Snow’s House. He took a few steps, chest deep in the snow, and decided against further exploration; his paws were quite wet and cold. He would just have a few words with this glacier, bring it to understand the gravity of the situation, and give instructions for expediting the problem. Drawing a deep breath, Newton addressed the glacier in his most august tones; “Hey! You there! Melt slowly and leave lots of heavy silt, won’t you? Some people want to put their litter box here and cut me out of my rightful territory.” The glacier, who had no idea what a litter box was, ignored the impertinent and anomalous creature and continued it’s primordial, relentless drip. Newton, however, felt that his mission had been accomplished.